Archive for March, 2012

What if I stumble, what if I fall?

What if I lose my step and make fools of us all?

Will the love continue, when my walk becomes a crawl?

What if I stumble, what if I fall? —  DC Talk

I heard that song the other day and it was like a warm blanket over my heart.  It is a very old song that encapsulates the mantra that is playing inside my head almost every day!  I know I am a million miles from perfect, in fact I KNOW that none of us are perfect, but for some reason I live with a fear that I’m gonna mess up so bad that I might lose all hope of being the person I want to be, or the person others expect me to be.

My thoughts go something like this, “Would people still love me if they knew what a screw-up I was?” or “Would people still respect me if they knew that I was often filled with doubt and fear and sometimes questioned my own Christianity?” or the NUMBER 1 question:  “Would anyone really like me at all if they knew the real me?”

I know that God loves me no matter what, that fact is never in question.  In actuality, even when I was living in my disgusting sin state, HE still loved me.  This crazy thought always amazes me, but I know it is true!  When I hear that song by DC Talk and think of how it relates to my own life, I don’t wonder if God will still love me when my walk becomes a crawl (which it is right now), I wonder about other Christians.  After all, Jesus told us to “…Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”  (John 13:34b)

The only problem is most of us don’t follow that rule.  We love the lovable, the ones we care about, look up to, who don’t disappoint us,  who don’t hurt us.  It is so important to us to have that unconditional love from others, the way we see God loving us, yet it is so difficult to give it!

This is where the whispering fears inside my head come in.  Why would anyone love you?  You will always let people down…  You do more harm than good…  You will never be that person you want to be…  You’re gonna mess up…

Normally every morning I wake up like this and it continues on all day, but today was different!  I woke up feeling peaceful and back to my old self again – the self that didn’t analyze & criticize every little thing.  It’s funny what an impact waking up from a beautiful dream can have on a person!  In this dream I saw some of the things I did right… as a mother (my number 1 insecurity), as a friend, as a wife, and in a few other ways.  I guess I needed to remember that I’m not a life full of mistakes, that sometimes I do okay.

1 John 3:11 —  This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.

1 John 4:7 —  Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 Thessalonians 4:9 —  Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.

Hebrews 13:1 —  Keep on loving each other as brothers.

Romans 13:8 —  Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

LOVE, the only debt we should ever owe!  This sums it up.  I need to memorize these scriptures and make them my new mantra rolling around inside my brain!

One more thing…

2 Corinthians 12:9 —  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

I guess it’s okay that I’m not perfect… and I guess it doesn’t matter if everyone knows it!


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Think about how many choices you make every day:  What clothes to wear… How to do your hair…  Whether to brush your teeth or not… What to eat for breakfast…  To stay in bed a little longer or get up right away…  so many choices.  If you think about it, you  make hundreds of tiny decisions all day long!


Now imagine if those choices were taken away from you.  Some of us are heading to India in about 8 days.  I can’t stop thinking about the kids, pre-teens, & teens that are living there.  Some of them have been living in  horrific forms of slavery since a very young age – like 6 or 7 years old, sometimes older or sometimes younger.  Many were orphans, captured off the street or from the garbage heaps where they lived.  A number of them were sold by their own parents!  They no longer have choices.  Every decision is made for them, even whether or not they will starve that day or receive a small handful of food.


In your life you get to choose what college you get to go to, or if you even want to go.  They will never have that choice.  Born and raised in the slums, the cycle will continue as they stay in the slums, raising their own families there, if they survive.


It kind of puts things in perspective, right?  After all, what do we really have to complain about?  Sometimes we are unhappy with the choices our parents make for us.  We think we should be able to decide, we’re old enough, mature enough, smart enough, right?  More often than not, YOU are the one in control of your life.  You decide to obey or not, to have a positive attitude or not, to be truthful or not…


DEFINITION OF FREE WILL:  voluntary choice or decision; freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention.  (Webster’s Dictionary)


Just like you make physical choices from the moment your eyes open in bed, God gives us spiritual choices.  You can obey Him or not, follow Him or not, LOVE Him or not.  YOU decide!  Just remember, HE chose YOU from the beginning!


EPHESIANS 1:3-5 – “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For HE CHOSE US in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.”




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